I cockslap morals
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
