OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
