she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
