I'd wear matching sweaters with you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
