Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
where are you?
Hypothermia
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
