Where did you get a picture of my penis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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