weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She told me I should be a condom model.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
