Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
