..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize