were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
