Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
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