You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
