i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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