Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
