dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
