its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize