Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will be naked everywhere
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
