Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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