Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
