I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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