Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
