So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
