I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
