Grow some girl-balls and come out already
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
