How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
