one two three fourrrrnication!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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