He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
