Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize