My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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