:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
