Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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