omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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