So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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