if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
