I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
