There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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