That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
