did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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