my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
