and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
