It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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