Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
