Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
