still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
