yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What a dumb baby whore.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
