just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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