My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
