I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
