She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
