his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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