I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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