Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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