Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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