i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
COCAINE IS GR8
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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