How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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