My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
there is glitter all over my balls
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