I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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