I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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