if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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