Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
