last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
