Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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