finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
