I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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