that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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