May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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