My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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