is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
