You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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