So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
