Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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