I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
