after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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