How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Four minutes until I can fart!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
