I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
