Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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