Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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