the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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