We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
