is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
