eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
