it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
