11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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