Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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