she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
