It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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