i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If I die, sorry about rent.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
