Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize