She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
