Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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