maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
