Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
