I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
