I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
