Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
