she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
