There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
