my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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