I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am one with the molecules
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
