just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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