The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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