AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
